Saturday, September 18, 2010

dear baby,

hi baby,
there is something you should know... your mommy hasn't always been "super excited" about being pregnant. i wont lie to you baby, i was really scared/nervous/kind of excited and then scared again when i found out that i was pregnant. i have always been a planner and i do not like surprises. i always figured that the first time i got pregnant would have been after some "trying". well, we definitely weren't trying for you. i was very bitter at first. i couldn't understand why this would happen to us at such a bad time. not only we were on the verge of moving to another city, but your daddy hadn't taken the bar yet AND had no job to come home to (still no job but i'm feeling much more confident now). to be honest, i didn't even want people to know i was pregnant. i thought that if no one knew then it wouldn't make it true. i knew that you were a blessing but i was scared. it was such new territory to me and being the first of all of my friends to be pregnant, i felt i had no one to turn to... i was being selfish and completely self-involved.

a few days ago i discovered a very different kind of blog then what i am used to. the blog was of this young couple who had been trying to conceive for a long time. she was the one doing the posts and would post very personal videos about the process that they were going through. she talked about IVF and everything that goes into that process. as i watched all of her videos, i realized how lucky i am for never having to be in that situation. how lucky am i that i didn't even need to try! here i was fretting about this baby growing inside of me and there are women out there that put their bodies (and their husbands might i add) through so much pain and suffering just to have a little baby of their own. i am sorry that i ever had those feelings about not being ready for a baby and not wanting a baby at this moment. looking back, you have already been a blessing and you aren't even here yet. your daddy and i have always had a very strong relationship but this "surprise" has just mad us so much stronger. we are able to just completely open up about you and what having you means to us... our family. our relationship is the strongest it has ever been and its all because of you... i know that we can get through this now (even if we have no money) because we have eachother.

on a lighter note... you can hear us! at least that is what the book says. i keep catching myself talking to you. i'm just so afraid of being caught. i was talking to you in the drive way of mcdonalds yesterday (dont judge me, baby!) and i swear the guy at the cashier must have thought "this poor fat girl is talking to her self"... little does he know ;)

i love you forever,
mommy

ps. i'm sorry for the singing... i heard its good for you so i am going to keep on doing it!

2 comments:

  1. mel you are so adorable! i'm sitting in class with a huge smile on my face : D

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  2. And I'm sitting at a restaurant in NYC, crying my eyes out. You are so special and I have always known this but you have touched my heart in a way that u cannot imagine.

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